|
RumORwater
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Me
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 6/9/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: eating, dancing, talking, sleeping, wasting time
Expertise: eating, dancing, talking, sleeping, wasting time...sound familiar??
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/29/2005
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Lately, I've turned into my mother. Constantly worrying about the future, about the uncertainty in life, about everything. And I'm scared...about the future, about the uncertainty in life and pretty much about everything. The sense of hopelessness when you have no control over ANYTHING in your life is overwhelming. You take things in your hands due to your immature attitude of always being right and follow it...and when you're left midway...not sure where to turn...the utter sense of being lost and lonely is unbearable. All my life I wanted to become a doctor...now that I am so close to getting accepted or rejected...the few months of waiting is torturous. And the pain doesn't end there. If I don't, will I always consider myself a failure? If I do, where will I be? How will my life be affected post-entrance to med school?? What if I am not meant to become a doctor after all? What if the delays, the obstacles are all ways of God nudging me to choose another path? When does "once you don't succeed, try try again" become a motto of the unwise? And that is just one aspect of my life...It's like trying to hold water in my hands....the harder I try to hold it, the more I lose. The harder I try to explain myself, the more I'm misunderstood. My tears and my fears are all subdued for only my eyes to see and my heart to feel. Wearing an outward facade of cheeriness is my form of hiding an emotion just as incredibly gruesome within. My life almost reflects a lost individual in a desert heading towards an oasis, just to realize its a mirage of something that will never appear. The more I grow, the more I get wary. And it seems to be a never ending cycle...constantly set to defeat me over and over again and I am just too tired to fight it. Giving up seems to be so easy, and yet I carry on....hoping that there will be a bend around the corner and things will finally seem to work out...but I keep walking and the bend is nowhere near....and I am so weary....
| | |
| The 9-11 Ripple - A Naive Boy
Rohit K Gupta
i woke up to my roommate telling me the world was ending. i shrugged and fell back asleep.
five minutes later, she came back and told me someone was bombing the US. curiosity
wouldn’t let me sleep anymore. i turned on the tv and saw the smoke from the first tower.
i was a sophomore in college. i had a summer school final exam that same day, and like the
rest of the world, I was glued to my TV. Just like a public university though, I still had to
take my final...did completely shitty on it. fuck it! there was something bigger than all of
us unfurling and school was the least of my worries.
i had to catch a flight from LA back to my home up in SF in a few days. i am a typical brown guy, and, at the time, i had a
very unclean beard. parents were begging me to shave it off before i flew home, but i didn’t care. people would look at me
as an equal.
wow, was i wrong. racial profiling is something many of us experienced and still experience at the airport. we look like bush’s
enemy, therefore we must all be the same, right?
needless to say, that trip back home was an eye-opener. from no one wanting to sit next to me on the plane, to people giving
me the most gut-wrenching looks. it was all capped off by a mother asking the flight attendant if I really need to be on the
flight with them, or if there was some way they could put me on another flight. I just stayed quiet. something was burning
inside of me, but being who i am, i was very good at hiding my anger.
i arrived home. finally, a place where people have seen me grow up and know who i am. i was in the local paper so much
when I was high school because of my cross-country and track status. my town is tiny. everyone knows everyone. but my
town is also 90% Caucasian, republicans.
Remember the show “Cheers” and its theme song had the line “you wanna go where everyone knows your name.” Well coming
home, i thought id be able to get that sort of comfort. i went down to the local grocery store, and what happened there
changed me for a long time.
I went in and got my groceries. if we could see “tension,” i’d be able to shred the tension around me with a knife. no one
smiled at me, no one said hi, no one even said excuse me or showed any sense of common courtesy. well thats fine...i’m
not gonna get my panties in a bunch over that. but as I was standing in line, an old man came up to me and asked me
“why would your people would do something like that?” and I replied “my people?” he started to cry and yell that i don’t
deserve to be standing on American soil. within no time at all security showed up. i thought they were going to escort him
out of the store...but man, was that wishful thinking.
you can guess what happened to me at the grocery store…
God bless the men and women who lost there lives in 9-11.
God bless the NYPD, NYFD, and all other heroes.
9-11 affected us all in different ways. God bless it for opening my eyes.
Whats your ripple?
| | |
|
One of my favorite children’s books is Frog And Toad Together
by Arnold Lobel. Frog had a garden that Toad admired, and he wanted one
too. So Frog told him: “It is very nice, but it was hard work.” When he
gave Toad some flower seeds, Toad quickly ran home and planted them. “Now
seeds,” said Toad, “start growing.” He tried very hard to make his
garden grow. He shouted at the seeds, read them long stories, and sang
songs to them—but they didn’t grow. “What shall I do?” cried
Toad. “Leave them alone,” Frog said. “Let the sun shine on them, let
the rain fall on them. Soon your seeds will start to grow.” Then one
day, little green plants appeared. “At last,” shouted Toad, “my seeds
have stopped being afraid to grow! But you were right, Frog. It was
very hard work.” So many people think it’s very hard work to grow
in righteousness. We must spend time reading the Word, praying, and
cultivating our faith by being with other believers. But our progress
in holiness is still dependent on God. As He shines His face upon us
and rains His love into our lives, we will grow. Then righteousness
will begin to “spring forth” (Isaiah 61:11). Don’t be discouraged if
growth comes slowly. Soon you will have a garden. —David H. Roper
Within the seed lies God’s creative power—
He’s given us the joy to see it grow;
And when He puts new life within our heart,
His wonder-working power we can know. —Hess
| | |
| A year ago, I remember having a fight with my parents on their disagreement to let me go to watch Live8, a once in a lifetime kinda concert. A year later, despite the fact that I'm a year older, I'm a working adult, my social life still seems to be at the same place, where it goes through the same cycle of trying to get my parents permission to have a social life and being denied that right. What the hell is the point of growing up when I'm not allowed to grow up?!?!?! How does it make sense that a girl is supposed to go from living under her parents rules to living under a marital rule, without ever living her own life? Why do my parents refuse to understand the simple concept that I need my space and I need to live my life on my own terms, without their interference on all aspects of my life. At times like this, I look forward to the day when I get an acceptance letter from a med school, any school, the letter that brings with it the freedom that I utterly crave for. Until then....I guess I'll just have to live through this never ending cycle of rejection and frustration!!! 
Pics from the weekend:
Gizelle being browner than usual at my church picnic
Being our usual selves
big bro n best friend :)
my favorite couple enjoying mom's food :)
I miss you Gizelle :( | | |
|
THE LORD'S PRAYER
Rather cleverly done.
This
is in two parts,
the prayer (
in blue colour)
and
GOD
's
response
(in red colour).
Our Father Who Art In Heaven.
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But -- you called ME!
Called you?
No, I didn't call you.
I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.
There -- you did it again!
Did what?
Called ME.
You said,
"Our Father who art in Heaven"
Well, here I am.
What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty.
Well, all right.
Go on.
Okay, Hallowed be thy name . .
Hold it right there.
What do you mean by that?
By what?
By "Hallowed be thy name"?
It means, it means . . good grief,
I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?
It means honored, holy, wonderful.
Hey, that makes sense.
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.
Thanks.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.
I just think it would be kind of neat if you got
control,
of everything down here like you have up there.
We're kinda in a mess down here you know.
Yes, I know;
but, have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church.
That isn't what I asked you.
What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.
And then there's the way you spend your money --
all on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read?
Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at
church!
Excuse ME.
I thought you were praying
for my will to be done.
If that is to happen,
it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it.
Like you -- for example.
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.
Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others.
So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now,
but I really would like to cut out some of those things.
I would like to, you know, be really free.
Good.
Now we're getting somewhere.We 'll work together -- You
and ME.
I'm proud of You.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
You need to cut out the bread.
You're overweight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups.
Praying is a dangerous thing.
You just might get what you ask for.
Remember,
you called ME -- and here I am.
It's too late to stop now.
Keep praying. ( . . pause . . )
Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try ME.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against
us.
What about Ann?
See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.
I've sworn to get even with her!
But -- your prayer --
What about your prayer?
I didn't -- mean it.
Well, at least you're honest.
But, it's quite a load carrying around all that
bitterness
and resentment isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with
her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.
No, you won't feel any better.
You'll feel worse.
Revenge isn't sweet.
You know how unhappy you are --
Well, I can change that.
You can? How?
Forgive Ann.
Then, I'll forgive you;
And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours.
You will have settled the problem
as far as you are concerned.
Oh, you know, you're right.
You always are.
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh).
All right . all right . .
I forgive her.
There now!
Wonderful!
How do you feel?
Hmmmm. Well, not bad.
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.
Yeah, I know.
But, you're not through with your prayer are you? Go on.
Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Good! Good! I'll do that.
Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
You know what I mean.
Yeah. I know.
Okay.
Go ahead. Finish your prayer.
For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever.
Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory --
What would really make me happy?
No, but I'd like to know.
I want to please you now.
I've really made a mess of things.
I want to truly follow you.
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?
YOU just did.
_______________________ | | |
|
|
